April 2022 Monthly Review

(these are just in notes form for my own accountability — feel free to reach out if you’d like to hear more about a particular thing)

thorns

• feeling disappointed by friends
• have to resubmit structure ms because it is too similar to a report I wrote
• missing out on social time because of dissertation proposal
• perfectionism and fear of starting showing up for STEM graduate student study
• trouble with anxiety and insomnia and not being hungry
• impulse spending on a small paycheck
• car broke down
• difficult to say no to stuff that I like to make room for stuff that I love, especially if it means disappointing someone

roses

• watching plays for BIPAC again
• showing up for conflict around social justice in new ways (bridging work)
• birthday hike with Johanna
• submitted AEJMC collaborative grant
• Asaf’s improv class
• almost done with dissertation proposal
• outlined STEM grad student white paper
• floor fuckers class with Villanelle
• healing through seduction classes
• presentation to PEO chapter to thank them
• presentation to Planet Texas 2050
• submitted Waterhouse grant
• work with Resmaa
• sobriety coaching with Dani from Tempest
• Tempest community calls to meet other people in substance abuse recovery
• Longview and El Ranchito want me to do improv with them
• met UBC theater researchers and did a workshop with them
• artist dates reinvigoration and actually fun again
• dancing at cheer up charlies with Cynthia

buds

• time off after deadlines
• trip to Rochester to visit Marc’s parents with Pai
• sabbatical coming up
• my birthday
• BGG

themes and insights and questions (from morning pages and journaling)

• seeking ease in writing papers
• want to creatively express myself more with low stakes (writing, drawing)
• money stress
• turning away from old habits (flight/flight, drinking) where I know where they end up and trying to stay open to transformation
• curiosity and openness
• rejection rituals
• anxiety, distraction, insomnia, trouble eating
• using grants to figure out the methods for my dissertation proposal, bewilderment followed by insight
• experimenting with what my body’s bedtime feels like
• recovery as a practice, as a spiral pathway
• naming my recovery “why”s
• focusing on what I do want rather than what I don’t want
• power of recovery communities and needing that in my life
• STRESS
• how do I stay in relationship and love with someone I don’t like or disagree with? how do I have acquaintances?

actions needed

• more reflection when fear and perfectionism are the blockers
• give less energy to things I can’t control — surrender and be still
• resting after a couple of months of going hard with deadlines

media consumed in the last month

film

• The Northman
• Everything, Everywhere, All at Once

tv

• What We Do in the Shadows
• Our Flag Means Death
• Severance

books

• Art on My Mind: Visual Politics
• The Craft of Research
• Artie and the Wolf Moon
• Vattu (all books)
• Science Communication: Culture, Identity and Citizenship
• Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die
• Allen Carr’s Easyway to Control Drinking
• A Master of Djinn
• Akata Woman
• Analyzing Visual Data
• Antifragile
• Plague Birds

board games/rpgs

• The Between
• Return to Dark Tower

video games

• Spiritfarer
• Walkabout Miniature Golf

MOOCS/youtube

• Fandom, Social Media, and Authenticity