January 2022 Monthly Review

[these are just for my own accountability…if there is something here you are interested in, feel free to reach out! nichole.lynn.bennett <at> gmail.com]

thorns

• navigating being required to work with a collaborator who ghosted me last semester and isn’t communicative about it (despite having lots of compassion for why they might have dropped off the map)
• had lots of meetings and job talks for the search committee I’m on (it’s an honor and a great experience to be on it, but it’s a time suck!)
• omicron and Stage 5 in Austin have halted most events and social activities, delayed start to improv classes
• overcommitted to some UWSA stuff (but luckily they are very sustainable about this!)
• needing to make sure I mark off “shouldless” time for myself to recharge (result of a nice problem of doing more things)
• navigating a lot of anger about the not-fairness of being Autistic and social stuff and masking draining me so much (but tied to an overall good of learning more about myself)

roses

• Minx + Muse multiverse and going deeper into witchy dance shit
• got a revise and resubmit from Public Understanding of Science (the first one for my first first authored paper in science communication)
• previous grad scicomm class student reached out to learn more about how I teach because they found my class so inclusive
• got a buzzcut and dyed it pink, loving it
• tarot texts with friends
• got revise and resubmit from Frontiers in Communications for my paper in collaboration with Reclaiming STEM folx
• had first “friction” with Mohini and was super nervous about communicating my feelings (because it has backfired before) but we both communicated transparently and were compassionate with one another ❤
• one-on-one time with Scarlett and really appreciating our friendship
• board game evening with Mary, Jonathan, Scarlett, and Marc
• auditioned in person for an improv show for the first time in years
• getting more involved with Undoing White Supremacy Austin (deep canvassing)
• started 100 phone calls projects (called 14 people so far, so I am ahead of schedule)
• got to do another oneshot RPG stream with Nature Check and met new folx
• taking an intermediate pole class (climbs and spin combos) and feeling so strong and flowy
• revamped my artist dates to be more frivolous rather than “shoulds”
• took a sabbatical (was great for creativity and productivity and for health)
• RPGs with Peter, Marc, and Heath
• RPGs with Jo and Chris
• book club with Robyn and Carolyn
• revamped lab meetings to be lighter and agenda-less and of higher value to us
• had a massage
• had a sensory deprivation float, had lots of insights about shedding perfectionism
• learning about Autism
• learning about social media from a social justice lens
• prioritizing self-reflection, resting, dancing, nature time, naps

buds

• learning to give less energy into controlling others and to put more energy into creating a container of love for myself and for communicating my needs/wants the best I can
• STEM EQ officially became an LLC
• STEM EQ beginning to offer STEMprov: Improv for Science and Tech starting in February
• joined a lot of mental health groups on campus (Free to be Neurodiverse, Yoga for Trauma, Mindfulness Meditation) and really enjoying having these prioritized in my day
• started doing more stuff and showing up in the kink community (Austin Rope Slingers)
• training with Resmaa Menakem coming soon!!!

themes from last month from journals and morning pages

• feeling my feelings but not living there
• using my energy for creating a loving container for myself and communicating my needs the best I can rather than trying to control others
• trying to get a guarantee of communication going forward is still controlling others
• struggling to be present in meetings that feel like time wasting (is this a format thing or is this a sign?)
• later wake up time feels more natural in my body and I am enjoying a later bedtime to spend time with Marc and have more shouldless time…although I miss being awake before the world is
• coming out of hermit mode and into action
• working on multiple projects and touching each one rather than single focus
• struggling with how long transcription takes
• gratitude for good collaborators in my life (Mohini, Evelyn) and how vulnerable I can be about my fears and feelings with them
• ALLERGY SEASON
• worrying about money and then reconfiguring my budget to feel more secure and abundant
• other people wanting to get a grip on or control my pronouns and being upset by it
• spending evenings with Marc and watching movies ❤
• I’m feeling layers of ice slough off of me, that I thought were protection and necessary but really are the next layer that has to go. I can have boundaries without this judgment. I can have boundaries even if people violate them. I can have boundaries without having to put a ton of energy into upholding them or being rigid about them.
• inspired by Kelly Diehl’s social media course
• transportation friction and accepting this might be one of my executive dysfunctions
• noticing who drains me and who does not
• remembering my love of music and how it helps me tap into my emotions
• watching more movies for fun
• working with releasing envy and scarcity and embracing abundance and plurality with friends I admire
• both Marc and I admitted we would marry each other (but he said he thought I was against marriage, and I’m not sure he’s wrong)
• embracing exciting plan Bs from academia and feeling less scarce
• inner child work
• owning my own feelings instead of blaming them on others
• “keeping my side of the street clean” instead of trying to force my sister to have a talk about our relationship, letting it be
• bits of financial abundance amidst stress (mom bought me groceries, had saved more for taxes than I needed)
• made it through two busy weeks of search committee meetings (and glad it is temporary)
• starting seeds for the spring, prepping the garden (and the metaphor of this)
• self care is not always beautiful or fun
• the chickens are so loving and cute and visiting them helps me come back to the present moment
• missing my walks outside because of the cold
• being vulnerable in my storytelling to activist groups and trusting them with stories full of stigma
• 100 phone call challenge a lovely way to connect to people I wanted to get to know more (and to realize that people wanted to get to know me too)
• food prep as presence and self care
• being willing to show up with no spoons and receive instead of give
• what is my feeling of disappointment telling me?
• I am allowed to shine
• the frivolity will save my life
• SURRENDER the nature of trying to force things is bringing you farther from your goal
• TRUST the process and let go
• the medicine is showing up and being present
• if I have spoons show up and give, if I don’t show up and receive
• relationship is being, not doing
• learning is becoming
• what you say as a teacher is less important than who you are
• try doing things “backwards” to not take yourself so seriously (the scarab)
• if you are worried about doing the practice wrong, remember that it is in the effort, in the showing up, in the doing it, not in “getting it right”
• don’t lean on references and teachers — trust your intuition
• this year I will be brave and use my voice to share about my work
• collectively call out how society/advertising infantilizes us
• trust yourself to create the structures you need to embody your realizations
• ask more questions!
• no need to push, everything is already happening
• we cannot bully ourselves into self improvement
• paying attention to your own self will help you give less away to others
• releasing grudges in my heart space
• choose where you want to “live”
• choose vulnerability and asking for what we wish for instead of getting mad that we didn’t get what we wanted
• to heal yourself you don’t always have to work harder, you need to feel safer
• work on doing what I have control over (e.g. initiating) rather than making up stories
• can we turn people pleasing into pleasing ourselves?

media consumed in the last month

films

• Knives Out
• But I’m a Cheerleader
• Encanto
• The Lost Boys
• Clue
• The Iron Giant
• The Animatrix

tv

• The Book of Boba Fett

books

• Blacksad 1–5
• Career Rehab: Rebuild Your Personal Brand and Rethink the Way You Work
• Through the Woods
• The Ultimate Guide to Travel Hacking
• My Favorite Thing is Monsters
• Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child
• Sex Witch: Magickal Spells for Love, Lust, and Self-Protection
• Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook: How to Tell Your Story in a Noisy Social World
• 3 Word Rebellion: Create a One-of-a-Kind Message that Grows Your Business Into a Movement
• Blackfish City
• The Content Advantage
• Playing Big: Find Your Voice, Your Mission, Your Message
• Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic
• We Do This ’til We Free Us: Abolitionist Organizing and Transforming Justice
• Space Opera
• The Desire Map
• Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect
• I Think I Might Be Autistic: A Guide to Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnosis and Self-Discovery for Adults
• The Next Pandemic: On the Front Lines Against Humankind’s Gravest Dangers
• Wintering: The Power of Rest and Retreat in Difficult Times

music

• Amber Mark
• Pink Pantheress
• Remi Wolf
• Pinegrove
• Amaarae
• Hand Habits

board games/rpgs

• CBR+PNK
• The Between
• Into the Void
• Parks

video games

• Job Simulator
• Ragnarock

podcasts

• Being There
• Unlocking Us

MOOCS/youtube

• Ask an Autistic